blessings, big and small.

what are we, and who am i, if we do not represent the One who paid such a high price for us?

what happened? it breaks my heart to see how much you've changed.

please, do not turn away from the only One who will ever love you completely. just stay, cling, pray-wait on Him.

oh hey autumn,

hi autumn/fall,
you are my favorite.
come again please? thanks!

the one thing i have found through all the troubles that surround, You are the Rock that never fails.

psalm 27
"the LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall i fear? the LORD is the
defense of my life; whom shall i dread?
when evildoers came upon me to
devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies,
they stumbled and fell.
though a host encamp against me,
in spite of this i shall be confident.
one thing i have asked from
the LORD, that i shall seek:
that i may dwell in the house of the
LORD all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD
and to meditate in His temple.
for in the day of trouble He will
conceal me in His tabernacle;
in the secret place of His tent
He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
and now my head will be lifted up
above my enemies around me,
and i will offer in His tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
i will sing, yes, i will sing
praises to the LORD.
hear, O LORD, when i cry with my voice,
and be gracious to me and answer me.
when You said, "seek My face,"
my heart said to You,
"Your face, O LORD, i shall seek."
do not hide Your face from me;
do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
do not abandon me nor forsake me,
o God of my salvation!
for my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the LORD will take me up.
teach me Your way, o LORD,
and lead me in a level path
because of my foes.
do not deliver me over to the desire
of my adversaries,
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and such as breathe out violence.
i would have despaired unless i had
believed that i would see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
wait for the LORD;
be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD."

papers. papers. papers.

that's what i am doing today. writing my little heart out.

please, please pray i don't get sick! my family had the flu/colds/icky stuff for a few weeks and i avoided them and didn't go home and didn't get sick...but then i went home last weekend and then again last night for a few hours for my dad's birthday and now i feel sick. boo.

i love you all.

-megs

take heart.

taste and see;
know the Lord is good.

worry not when life gets difficult,
or if nights are lonely,
and even when your heart becomes too heavy.

God is still God,
and we are still not.
we will remain humans in need of Christ.
sinners in need of a Savior.

and then someday

[i see glimpses of it on occasion],

we will fully understand that it's okay,
because it is not about us,
everything ever created is for His glory.

(and sometimes it hurts because face it, growth hurts).

but He does not leave us empty handed,
no He does not leave us lost.

look, taste, see what He has said:

Micah 7:18 & 19-
"who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity
and passes over the rebellious act
of the remnant of His possession?
He does not retain His anger forever,
because He delights in unchanging (steadfast) love.
He will again have compassion on us;
He will tread our iniquities under foot.
Yes, You will cast all their sins

into the depths of the sea."

amen?

in love,

with this boy,
mr. westley james,
chubby cheeks,
stud muffin.

mom.
love her.
enough said.

i don't mean to complain,

because i don't like that. but, if i were going to complain, it would be about the 723098 things i have to do before tomorrow night!! and it's my fault because i read non-school related books and play outside instead of writing my articles/paper/actually reading what i am supposed to for class. whoops.

currently:

"i could be there for you", "my lovely", "go away", "brightly wound"
"loving ghosts", "satisfy", "even i"
"start a war", "slow show"
"control freak", "i'm a sucker for a kind word"
"everything was beautiful and nothing hurt", "every thought a thought of You", "bullet to binary, part 2", "my exit, unfair", "leaf" (always on my list)
"let us love and sing and wonder", "it is well with my soul", "God will lift up your head", "Thou lovely source of true delight"
"the weight of lies", "all my mistakes"

it's okay

if you spend the evening talking with roommates and sharing your heart and not really getting around to homework.
this is why i am here-
with my roommates and my hall.
because the Lord knew i needed them and that they needed me.
and i wouldn't want it any other way.

psalm 119:10-"i seek You with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your command."

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." -Oswald Chambers

reason.

give us a reason, all else is
meaningless.
give me a reason, every other pursuit will
leave.
You are the reason, the only One after
it all.
You are the source of
all my delight.

[You are so beautiful]

and why do i push You away?
and why do i always
[every time, without fail]
fight alone?

the battle is too large,
too hard,
too brutal,

too much
for my own hands.

Lift me.
Carry me.
Guide me.

be my Reason; the only One i will ever need.

[and stay that way, first in my heart]

Lord, only You can save me from myself.
my heart will always choose my flesh.
always.
and that compass misguides
but You, Lord, You do not.

You remain.
You do not fail.
You pull me through,
pick me up,
and love me-even the unlovable me.
because Lord, the only lovable thing in me is
You.

psalm 73:26-
"my heart and my flesh may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

i miss my sophie.

that is sophie. she died the other night. i am so sad. i know she's just a cat and all of that, but i told her everything and we hung out and she followed me everywhere. i picked her out when i was four and i could not have asked for a better cat. she died peacefully and didn't seem to be in pain. i got to hold her and pet her while she was passing. i have a million great memories with that kitty, and i loved every moment of the sixteen years i had her. never thought losing an animal would be so hard. i love you, sophie hansen.

1994-2010.

(yes i know, she's just a cat...but i miss her).

broken. contrite.

He just wants my broken and contrite heart, but it's so heavy and burdened, I cannot even lift it up to Him.

And that is okay.

selah one.

these are the ladies from my hall and i am so blessed to be with them. love it.

how lovely this time of year can be.

"Nothing is so beautiful as spring—
When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;
Thrush’s eggs look little low heavens, and thrush
Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring
The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;
The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush
The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush
With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling."

-gerard manley hopkins

declaration.

we will wait on the Lord,
regardless of how long it takes.
we will trust in Him,
the One who covers our mistakes.

we will stand for Him,
even in the midst of pain.
we will praise the Lord,
for in His glory all the riches we gain.

we will follow our Lord,
and choose to walk straight and upright.
we will not give up or give in because our debt has been paid,
and His grace gives us each day and each night.

but let my words be few and full of You.

last weekend.

first i saw lindsay. we have been through a lot and i love her so very much. photo by my beloved sister two years ago, just a few minutes before i GRADUATED!
then i saw eli and we watched the most ridiculous movie ever. and this picture is our relationship: i smile off to the side and he cracks me up. love it. (photo by eric tolzmann many years ago).
on saturday i worked (yay) and then stef and i went out to lunch (yay) at keys (yay). and yes, we both went home with two desserts (yay). photo by andrea. maybe? at the saints game last august, before the tornado ruined the game.
later on in the afternoon i was blessed to hang out with miss missy! we quoted good burger even without the movie and watched a cheesy predictable movie together and just hung out. so very good to see my friend since preschool, miss missy jo. photo by some person at walmart that was kind enough to take our picture. we're sixteen here. so young, so young.
sunday afternoon was my least favorite part of the weekend. had to say goodbye to my mam and the little lady and mr. barrett. they're moving to texas, but it is a great opportunity and i really believe the Lord will grow them closer and closer together. and i guess that means i will have to go to texas this summer, darn it :). and i didn't say goodbye, just "see you later". because we don't like goodbyes.
sunday evening i got to see my lovely lovely elliot and we goofed off and talked and she made me scrumptious coffee and we played with westley. we can talk to each other about anything and everything, and can be total goons a few minutes later. she's the best. photo by mr. bliven's macbook.that's my little stud. you will be filled with joy if you are around him. photo by momma elliot.

have a great week you all.
i love each and every single one of you.
and for all of you all who aren't in these pictures, that means we need to hang out!!

love,
megs