but i'm an english major, so it's okay.

as i become more and more immersed in my classes i have come to realize one significant discovery: english majors love themselves. i know, i know, that sounds terrible. i am an english major, after all. let me explain. we all (because of our nature) love ourselves. too much. however, i have come to find that in my major in particular, there is a heavy emphasis on self. i have grown to think about myself far too often lately. (and i hate that part of me.) i am told to reflect, write down my emotions, find a new and beautiful way to tell a story of myself; my work is about me. i am so sick of myself. i am tired of self-deprecating memoirs where i am the antagonist and also the protagonist. i guess profound writing is solely based on making it human, real, raw. if that's the case, then i will need to accept the fact that i will never be a good writer; i won't be in the hippest literary journal and i probably won't hold my breath waiting for a poem to get published. i would much rather write about Christ; about what He is to me. i would give up my life to get the chance to preach His goodness to the world. He is supreme and He is beautiful. (He is the only good in me.) if this means i am of no literary merit i am okay with that. if this means no one will read a single thing i have written, well then i suppose i am okay with that, as well. the more i write (and struggle to produce anything of any academic value), the more i realize something far more important than a daily assignment.

[ i am not made for this world. ]

galatians 6:14-18

"but far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and i to the world. for neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation. and as for all who walk by this rule, peace an mercy be upon them, and upon the Israel of God. from now on let no one cause me trouble, for i bear on my body the marks of Jesus. the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers. amen."

"i open my eyes oh Lord, to see all the things You've done

i open my heart oh God, to feel Your unfailing love

i open my all to You, all my life for Your glory shown

i open up my soul to You alone, come make yourself at home

and i'll give all i have left to give

cause it's everything i am, Lord

and this life i'll spend it all for You

i'll waste it all on You

i offer up my mind, to You, i long for the truth You know

i offer up my feet to You, they'll walk straight on the path You show

i offer up my time to You, so keep me and hold me still

i offer up my hands to You, Lord use them to do Your will

let Your Spirit take me over God,

cause it's all i'll ever need, yeah You're all i'll ever need Lord

receive this life an offering God

cause i've spent it all on You, yeah i'll spend it all on You God"