so blessed.

lovely elliot and stud westley.
so blessed to have those two in my life. thank You, Lord for every precious moment You give.
amen and goodnight.

sometimes

(but really
all of the

time),

you don't always get what you want.

and during those times where you're left
alone,
wondering,
and terribly discontent.

God is still God
and I am still

(terribly)

in need of Him.

right now,

i really should be reading this. but that's okay, right?

on a humorous note, i kept thinking my profs were crazy....all of them giving me huge exams and stuff this week. how mean for them to all plot against me, right? and then my lovely roommate amanda brought to my attention the fact that this week marks the halfway point in the semester, thus big exams will come because they are MIDTERMS. duh. ha. can't believe that didn't click in my head. oh well.

happy tuesday, you all.

2 peter 3:9-
"the Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

psalm 136:1-
"give thanks to the LORD, for He is good,
for His steadfast love endures forever."

1 corinthians 6:11-
"...but you were washed, you were sanctified,
you were justified in the name of
the Lord Jesus Christ and
by the Spirit of our God."

philippians 1:6-
"and i am sure of this, that He who began
a good work in you will bring it to
completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

hebrews 12:1-3-
"therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud
of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight,
and sin which clings so closely, and let us run
with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself,
so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."

amen.
amen.
amen.

help!!

I have a lot to do in the next week and a half.But then March 4-14 will contain a lovely thing....NO SCHOOL, a woman's conference Iget to volunteer at, some work in there, and a possible trip to Denver. God is good and He will get me through this week; I am confident of that.
a few other things that will help me through this week are:

treasure.

could i please find all of my rest in You?
could i please be satisfied in Your presence?
and could You please work in me more of You and less of me?
because there are too many i's,
and not nearly enough
of You,
in my heart.

and that's not how i envisioned my life to be.
and that's not how it is going to stay.
because i've added it up,
and i cannot do the math.
You are worth far more than
what i can fit into my finite mind.

there are a lot of things i'm not sure of.
there are so many things i wish i could take back;
oh Lord, how i wish i would have trusted in You.
how i wish i would have followed You the first time.
not the second
(because then maybe my heart wouldn't be broken).

but if my heart must break,
let it break for You.
and if tears must come,
let the tears be for You.
and if the trials must come,
let them grow in me
a deeper love for You.

and if i cry tonight,
well that's really okay.
because in the morning
Your mercies are new.

even through the night

(before the
new mercies
come),

You sustain me.
You guide me.
You love me.
You provide.

You are still God.

and if i refuse to acknowledge You,
You still plead for me.

1Corinthians 13:3-8a
"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice with wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

give me the lowest place: not that i dare
ask for that lowest place, but Thou hast died
that i might live and share
Thy glory by Thy side.

give me the lowest place: or if for me
that lowest place too high, make one more low
where i may sit and see
my God and love Thee so.

-the lowest place
by christina rossetti, of course.

happy wednesday.

happy wednesday, you all.
i'm crashing my dad's work today and he's bringing my car to get fixed or something. and i suppose i'll write an article whilst i'm sitting at his office. but usually when i crash there i get coffee. he's such a nice guy.

it's sunny with a high of [35] today.
and yes, 35 is warm
:D

when you are faithless and fail and mess up,
He is there,
is faithful,
and welcomes you back.
Always.

broken.

"God will take you where you haven't intended to go, in order to produce in you that [which] you could not accomplish on your own, and in order to claim your heart, your God will break your bones." -Pastor Paul Tripp

"Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
and blot out my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from Your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit."
Psalm 51:8-12

I need Thee.

Period.
End of story.
No one else will do.
Have my heart,
for all time.

Lord, You are beautiful.

stationary.

so here i sit,
with so much to do.
so much to read,
write,
contemplate,
edit,
finish up.

and i
can
not
get moving.

why?
well, really because i am
l
a
z
y.

that about sums it up.

i feel stuck, like everyone around me is moving on and up;
like everyone is falling in and out of love.
and then there's me.
and i'm here.

waiting.

crying out contentment!
crying out that i like it right here,
where i am.

and like where i am at, i do.
i love northwestern.
i love the people.
i love my classes.
i love my roommates.
i love my hall.
i love it all.

so why am i sitting here,
wishing i were somewhere else?
i am thinking this neverEVERending season of snow has something to do with it.

thankfully,
even when i am faithless,
Christ is faithful.
and when i sin,
grace abounds so much more.

so really i have nothing to complain about.
i am able to be in school,
i have the ability to read,
write,
think,
compose,
et cetera.

and i have chocolate milk, so what else do i really need?

Lord, You are more precious than silver,
more costly than gold,
and more beautiful than diamonds.
So may I treasure You first,
and place You above all else.
Because,
in the end
You are what matters.
You are the hope
that I look forward to.

to where will you run?

"look at these hands and My side;

they swallowed the grave on that night.

when I drank the world's sin,

so I could carry you in,

and give you life.

I wanna give you life.

cause I, I love you;

I want you to know.

that I, I love you,

I'll never let you go.

and I'll be by your side,

wherever you fall.

in the dead of night,

whenever you call.

and please don't fight

these hands that are holding you.

MY hands are holding you."

maybe i should always run to Him

(not just when it's easy and not just when i feel like it,

but always.

always).

it should be may.

because when it is may my sister will be getting MARRIED and it will be great.
and also, i need to find an excuse to wear that dress again!!

"I went right along, not fixing up any particular plan, but just trusting Providence to put the right words in my mouth when the time come; for I'd noticed that Providence always did put the right words in my mouth, if I left it alone."

-good old huckleberry finn

two years ago...

we were getting ready to go on senior trip!!!!!
(just found this on kelly's fb, how lovely!)

right now

i really adore:

1-brownie batter things from the nest. too chocolately to even handle. love it.
2-valentines cupcakes, of course.3-red velvet cupcakes from savannah, georgia that i search around town for FOUR hours. yes :)4-well that's mr. john keats, obviously.5-samantha rae and the road trip without sleeping or make-up or showersss.6-downtown savannah in all of the little sqaures.7-my elevendy, even though we're not all here. LOVE those girls so very much. i thank the Lord for them often (and really i should every single day).8-the criminal minds crew. 9-stef and i at the bank with our summer blonde hair and semi-tan selves. and wearing the same pants three days a week :)10-a real georgia peach. yum.****BONUS #11-my husband, aka spencer, aka dr. reid, aka matthew, aka my matthew and so on and so forth. hey, let me be sixteen and have my celebrity crush, okay?

lovely.

today i didn't put a speck of make-up on, threw my hair up, wore my glasses and curled up and watched a sappy movie.

perfect day.

good movie.

"Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--

Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night

And watching, with eternal lids apart,

Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,

The moving waters at their priestlike task

Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,

Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask

Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--

No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,

Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,

To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,

Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,

Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,

And so live ever--or else swoon to death."

bright star, by john keats.

once upon a time...

two sisters went on a trip to the mall and the big sister made her little sister traipse around the parking lot carrying her too big for life bedroom set.

and it was heavy.

but luckily she has a college degree and the little sister is currently working on hers, so with their two brains together they thought of this brilliant idea:

grace, i call Your name.

so much to do.

so much to do.

so much to do.

so this past week has been insane with so much to do. i had a massive essay test on tuesday, have two articles for the paper due tonight (one down, one to go), a new testament midterm at 9 am tomorrow and i have yet to study (don't worry folks, i have filled out the study guides...just haven't studied...), a rough draft for literary studies due tomorrow (thankfully it isn't due until 11:55 so i pretty much love my prof right now), and all i want to do is read for enjoyment and get into a devotion and listen to music. but i suppose life is not always about what i want to do. ha, really it should not ever be about me. but i just want to breathe and relax. i did not think i would get through tuesday, but then i did. i thought i would fall asleep on my homework last night, but alas i did not. i thought i would be up all night writing articles (because i'm vain and care too much that the student body will be reading what i write, yikes), but i won't be up all night. i'm done with one (the more difficult one) and it is only six-thirty. so all that worrying and fretting was just dumb of me, by His grace i will get these things done. and praise Him for the diligence i have had thus far. so now onto interviewing my lovely roommate about her five month mission trip in india/new zealand last semester.

and also,
thank the Lord for things like this that get my through the day:

but life is good because i have met ryan cabrera.

you are the greatest disaster.

"You show up like a hurricane

All hungry-eyed and weather-stained

The clock forgets to tick and I the same

I died the day you disappeared

So why would you be welcome here?

Ride the wind that brought you back away

No you can't come in

No you can't come in

I cannot stop my rebel hands

From pulling out the pots and pans

I left you in the cold until you shook

You're gentle now

but I recall both tender fire and bitter squall

A history so deep it hurts to look

No you can't come in

No you can't come in

No you can't, You can't come in

If the sea should swallow up my house

I will turn my rooftop inside out

And the wind will be wailing

But I will be sailing faster

Oh the elements I do not fear

but I fall apart when you appear

'Cause you are the greatest

The greatest disaster

If the sea should swallow up my house

I will turn my rooftop inside out

And the wind will be wailing

But I will be sailing faster"

elements by a fine frenzy

so very good

why hello, february.

I have A LOT to do in this tiny month. A LOT of reading and writing, but it is stretching me and that is a good thing. It's great, actually.


I've actually been fairly productive today. Yay!


So far I have:
-Officially changed my major (something I've been meaning to do since November...ha). So now I am officially a nerd, I mean a Communication Arts and Literature Education major.
-Looked up classes to take at a community college this summer (boo, but necessary).
-Thought about my essay for tomorrow's Literary Studies exam (hey, simply thinking about it is a big step :D).
-Contemplated studying for my NT midterm on Friday (that's a work in progress).
-Day dreamed about Road Trip 2010 with the lovely Krista! Out west through Montana and Wyoming to Yellowstone and to Seattle, down to Portland and back, or the east coast with Boston, Philadelphia, New York, DC and so on. Hmmm, decisions.
-Ate a real lunch AND took my daily vitamin AND drank plenty of water.
-Came to terms and finally accepted the fact that I am a semester behind (transferring credits does not always work) and decided that since I'm a semester behind why not just graduate a whole year later and study abroad?? Right? Something to pray about and at least set up a meeting and see if it is plausible.


Okay, okay. Yes, I realize what are listed above are mainly normal everyday tasks but hey, I'm working on it.


Now off to actually accomplish school work and progress from thinking about it to actually writing my essay for tomorrow.


Love you all, spring will be here before we know it. I hope.

Lamentations 3:22-33

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in Him."

The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,

to the soul who seeks Him.

It is good that should wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man that he bear

the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence

when it is laid on him;

let him put his mouth in the dust-

there may yet be hope;

let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,

and let him be filled with insults.

For the LORD will not

cast off forever,

but, though He cause grief, He will have compassion

according to the abundance of His steadfast love;

for He does not willingly afflict

or grieve the children of men."

He does this so we look more like Him.

Sanctification.

He provision does not lack.