question:

i want to meet that little guy...when is he coming??!?

unconditional.

starting to think more and more about him,
what could happen,
what will happen,
what should be.

realizing all along that the one constant Love,
that cannot leave,
that is here right now,
that always remains.

well, that affection had been pushed away.

he that took up all of my time was taken away.
not so that the tears would come,
but so that the first Love would grow.
because He comes first.

no one else does.

"a thousand times (butreallymore) i have failed.

still, Your mercy remains.

and should i stumble again,

still i am caught inYour grace."

awesome.

in the end of john 19 when Christ cries out "It is finished" he is saying, "i have accomplished everything that i have been sent to do. i have paid the price for everysingle soul's salvation. i paid it all."

what is really awesome and left my mind reeling all night is what the actual greek word is.
in the greek, the phrase "it is finished" is one word which is tetelestai. this word was stamped on ancient tax receipts back in Christ's time when someone had paid all of their debt in full. so Christ was really saying "i have paid their debt in full."

because i am a grammar nerd, this really excites me. the word tetelestai is in the perfect tense, which means that it was a past action that continues to have effect in the future. it was completed and is still complete; there is a sense of finality.

that one word kept me up late thinking, and was the first thing i thought about this morning.

be blessed.

dearest ones.

to whomever reads this lovely thing,
please pray for me.
and my eyes.
yes, my eyes.
i am serious.
i have this: GPC...aka...GIANT PAPILLARY CONJUNCTIVITIS.
okay so i simply gave you all those big words because then it sounds like a serious condition! however, it kind of is. so basically i have to wear my glasses for the next two-three months, maybe even longer. i get to put eye drops in my eye every morning and night, and this little tiny bottle costs ninety dollars. yuck. so it is really just a long process and i just want to tear my eyes out because they hurt all of the time. but, i will live. this really is just another opportunity to be patient....and also i'm vain and like myself better without glasses...pathetic, huh? well anyways, pray for my eyes please. thank you.


also, in other news, i am reaching real adulthood...twenty years of age!! and i am NOW going through some odd form of teenage rebellion which will include a nose piercing and a tattoo. i told my mother and she said "you might as well stab a dagger through my heart" then i told my father and he said "that is such an awesome idea. i like your reasoning. i don't like tattoos, especially on my little girl, but if you were to get one, i would be okay with that. just don't tell your mother i said that". hahahaha. gotta love those two.

more to come!
love!

God is greater and bigger and better than anything ever.
He died a terrible, awesome, gruesome death for you and for me. He did that. He certaintly cares about you.

-Megs

as of late:

it seems to be same old, same old.

i need You.

everyday.

Christ, be the center of my life; the place i fix my eyes.

Because when my focus shifts, this becomes my song:

Psalm 78:35-37

"They remembered that their God was their rock,

And the Most High God their Redeemer.

But they deceived Him with their mouth

And lied to Him with their tongue.

For their heart was not steadfast toward Him,

Nor were they faithful in His covenant."

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart.

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

it makes so much more sense now.

the chaos.
the confusion.
the pain and hurt.

the literally feeling sick.

all this is for your good.

the time when all you can do is wait.

trust.

this is sanctification.

lessen your loves so that you love Me more.

I have covered all of you.

john 13:1-11

salt?

"If God is holy and your culture basically isn't, then stop whining when you're not acceptable to your culture, and quit trying to be acceptable to your culture. One of the reasons that the power of the church has been vacuumed out is that the church thinks it has to be like the world to be relevant to the world. The only way you're gonna be relevant in the world is not to be like the world. To be a distinct alternative in the face of your culture; do you see that?" -Paul Washer

relevant: bearing upon or with the mattter connected in hand; pertinent; a relevant remark.

is there anything more pertienent than that, the cross?

pertinent: pertaining or relating directly and significantly to the matter at hand.

***or: appropriate, fitting, fit, suitable, applicable.

is anything more appropriate or applicable than grace? i think not.

let's live like our lives are changed for the good.

Promise.

you can fail Me,

you can walk away from Me,

you can think your ways are better than Mine.

I will never fail you.

I will never, no never, walk away from you.

I have had this plan since the beginning of time, trust Me, I am fervently working things out for your good.

If I take a love away from you,

it is because you do not love me enough.

-Jesus, my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Luke 10:27

"...You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."

i am clay

i feel a little bit like my heart

is

b
r
o
k
e
n

but if God wants to use me for whatever it is He is planning on i have to be that clay pot, i have to be willing to let him break me down. but not for pain. not in vain. not so that i hurt.

it would be for joy.


for love.


for compassion.


i cannot do any of that on my own. it is easier to be mad.
but it is far better to love unconditionally.

good friend,
one of my best friends,
i love you more than i could ever put into words.
you know that, you do.
so if you love me and i you, than what are we doing??

Lord,

work
in
us

work
in
me

work
in
him

may we love you more in the end.
may i be the sister he needs and not the lover.

grant me patience,
grace,
trust,
love,
understanding.

i feel like we broke up.
i feel like this: