more and more i am realizing how easy it is to be selfish. it is, well, just natural. that's the thing, you see, anything other than selfishness and self-serving motives has to come from something supernatural, something above finite human standards. God is so gracious.
so gracious. i do not even deserve the love and grace He has bestowed upon me, and yet, so easily i push Him aside and forget that He is all this life is for. i forget that the selfish decisions i choose get in the way of serving and loving Christ. it is one thing to love Him, to spend time with Him, to pray, to read, to worship-anyone can really do that. it is, however, a totally different thing to
live for Him. sure, i would die for Him, for He is the very one who gave me life. so i would die for Christ, but would i
live for Him day in and day out?
something the Lord has really challenged me with this summer is my love for Him. yes, i love the Lord; words cannot even describe how beautiful He is and how i am constantly in amazement at the love He has shown, pardoning all of my sins. however, i struggle with the living for Him- i will be the first to admit it. maybe it is summer, maybe i am tired, maybe i have worked too much and spent so much time on myself, that i have forgotten what it is like to spend time loving the unlovable. the Lord knew this, you see, and He reminded me of His desire for His children to show compassion this past sunday.
to make a long story short, i work. a lot. every morning at five-thirty, actually. and if you know me at all, you know that i am a girl who needs her sleep. i could almost cry when i am tired. not sure why, but i have been that way since i was a baby (so says my mama), and surely i will always be a girl who needs sleep. sunday i was tired. just sick and tired of getting up at three-thirty in the morning (four if i am lucky) and heading to work. so basically i was cranky and tired, thinking only of myself. so after a busy morning of person after person needing their "large, dark chocolate, half the almond, skim milk, extra hot, light whip, moosed, lattes" i was ready to go home. much to my dismay, my replacement strolls in late, and (to the best of my knowledge, though she did not say it) hungover. i felt no compassion for her. "it's her own fault she drank too much and didn't get enough sleep. i don't care. she can deal with her own mistakes", is what went through my head when i knew she was going to ask me to cover and stay until noon for her. but before even considering how she was feeling i already had determined she had dug her own hole, and i was in no way interested in helping her out. i refused her offer to stay and work for her, mentioning that i had family at home waiting for me (which i did, however my mother, bless her heart, would absolutely tell me to stay...mom's are usually right, you see...) and that i was really sorry and hopefully she would feel better soon. and then i went, out the door. it did not take long for the conviction to set in, actually, i felt it as my heartless refusal came out of my mouth. i did not even make it out of the parking lot before a thought popped into my head saying, "what would Christ ask of you? what would He do for you, His child, His beloved?" well, i did not even need to answer that, i knew. i knew. and then another thought came into my mind, "have compassion, Meagan. it's not about why she doesn't feel well. you represent Christ, and that means you are to love at all times and show compassion, not partiality." so around i turned my car, right back to my 'bou and in i walked, ready to work and give this girl a break.
we could all use a little more love,
and sometimes it just takes a kick in the head to remember that i am living for something so much more than myself.
Christ is love; He is selfless; His grace has no end; nothing qualifies us for grace- we do not deserve it, yet we are called to compassion and to be the hands and feet of Christ. let's not make sense to the world; let's make it clear something other than us is working in us. and i am the first to say i have a lot of work to do.
"i am alive because of grace; You keep me here for Your praise"
