lovelies:

i finally made the switch.

find me over here: meaganlinn.wordpress.com

come, everyone.

"the Spirit and the bride say, "come." and let the one who hears say, "come." and let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price."

-revelation 22:17.

currently:

*5 chapters of my christian doctrine book for theology class. (4 credit classes crammed into 2.5 weeks are always a blast.)

*iced americano. (because i get a discount, to keep me awake, and for good measure.)

*lecrae.

*my body craves sleep- (on a REAL bed.)

*feeling blessed for even the little things.

*wondering where tape is in my new house so i can tape my piggy bank back together.

*missing family, friends, and zachary.

*oh yeah, back to those 5 chapters...

spring banquet 2011.

zachary and me :) one year to the date of our first walk :)

my favorite couple and some of my favorite people, luke and jenny :)

me, jenny, her roomie carly. lovely ladies.

the whole group.

(nude colored heels are my new favorite thing.)

lifeblood:

this is what will get me through the next week. via, i owe every moment i am awake to you. okay, well not really, butyougetthepicture.

on laughing-

jess and i don't understand you.

it's may 5th;

finals are near.

how are you playing games?

arranging tennis tournaments?

enjoying life so lightheartedly?

and here we are-

stuck revising papers until all

hours of the night.

[but the end is insight, my dear.]

i remember los angeles.

(but we are not friends anymore.)

[pretty darn excited]

to be living with this gal and her lovely roomies this summer.

three papers & one article//two days.

can i go crawl in a hole and cry now? oh wait, time to get ready for work.

(twelve days until freedom.)

motivation? hello?

nilla wafers//bellarive//coffee//fireplace//rain//two hours to finish this paper

//philippians 4:13//

our lives are but a speck in time.

"vanity of vanities, says the Preacher. vanity of vanities! all is vanity. what does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? a generation goes, a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. the sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises. the wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on it's circuits the wind returns. all streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.

all things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

what has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. is there a thing of which it is said, "see, this is new"? it has been already in the ages before us. there is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembrance of later things yet to be among those who come after."

-ecclesiastes 1:2-11

upon learning (and struggling through) so many things as of late, i have come to the realization that there are very few things in this life that should captivate us. as children of God, the living true God, we should be enamored with Him and finding all of our satisfaction in Him. the enemy has brilliantly put on display good things in front of us, and these things take our attention away from the Lord. is saving up for a new computer/dress/movie/outfit/etc a bad thing? absolutely not. however, the more and more i find myself yearning for more of Him, the more and more i realize how completely in love with myself and the (stupid) things i have surrounded myself with. fortunately, our God is a God who loves, pursues, and chases after His children. selfishly (really sinfully) i want me! but God wants me to make war on sin and run after Him. the things of the Lord should be the only things to hold my captivation. maybe this little blog has one reader, maybe none, but that really is okay. the name change is really between the Lord and i, but i wanted to express a little bit of my heart.

and lastly:

2 corinthians 10:5&6-

"we destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."

this world has become strangely dim.

You and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness.

-c.s. lewis

we were meant for more (so much more)

i'm discontent chasing the wind

i want to feel more than air on my skin

like the tide, feelings come and go

here today, gone tomorrow

i want love, i want You

so take this beaten heart

and let it beat for You

i'm scared, yeah i'm scared

only You know now i feel

when i say i don't want to feel anything but love

true Love, true Love

watch me bloom cause soon i'll wither

but Your love lasts forever

like the sun, life is beautiful

when i rise and when i fall

[chasing the wind-

(the ember days.)]

i just realized that-

what i've been up to, picture style.

barista again.

free soy lattes of sorts are back in my life.

new flowery sheer pretty shirt from forever 21 via a gift card from a lovely friend.

(only 11.8, that's right!)

oh, and my hair is still getting longer.

and browner.

yes, i believe i just made that word up.

now off to loads and loads of school work. i could get stressed about my eighteen credits/three jobs/lack of sleep/brokenness (spiritually and especially financially), but i have found that paul was right in saying that it is far better to rest in Christ and to be content.

"rejoice in the Lord always."

but i'm an english major, so it's okay.

as i become more and more immersed in my classes i have come to realize one significant discovery: english majors love themselves. i know, i know, that sounds terrible. i am an english major, after all. let me explain. we all (because of our nature) love ourselves. too much. however, i have come to find that in my major in particular, there is a heavy emphasis on self. i have grown to think about myself far too often lately. (and i hate that part of me.) i am told to reflect, write down my emotions, find a new and beautiful way to tell a story of myself; my work is about me. i am so sick of myself. i am tired of self-deprecating memoirs where i am the antagonist and also the protagonist. i guess profound writing is solely based on making it human, real, raw. if that's the case, then i will need to accept the fact that i will never be a good writer; i won't be in the hippest literary journal and i probably won't hold my breath waiting for a poem to get published. i would much rather write about Christ; about what He is to me. i would give up my life to get the chance to preach His goodness to the world. He is supreme and He is beautiful. (He is the only good in me.) if this means i am of no literary merit i am okay with that. if this means no one will read a single thing i have written, well then i suppose i am okay with that, as well. the more i write (and struggle to produce anything of any academic value), the more i realize something far more important than a daily assignment.

[ i am not made for this world. ]

galatians 6:14-18

"but far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and i to the world. for neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation. and as for all who walk by this rule, peace an mercy be upon them, and upon the Israel of God. from now on let no one cause me trouble, for i bear on my body the marks of Jesus. the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers. amen."

"i open my eyes oh Lord, to see all the things You've done

i open my heart oh God, to feel Your unfailing love

i open my all to You, all my life for Your glory shown

i open up my soul to You alone, come make yourself at home

and i'll give all i have left to give

cause it's everything i am, Lord

and this life i'll spend it all for You

i'll waste it all on You

i offer up my mind, to You, i long for the truth You know

i offer up my feet to You, they'll walk straight on the path You show

i offer up my time to You, so keep me and hold me still

i offer up my hands to You, Lord use them to do Your will

let Your Spirit take me over God,

cause it's all i'll ever need, yeah You're all i'll ever need Lord

receive this life an offering God

cause i've spent it all on You, yeah i'll spend it all on You God"

this can be so hard sometimes.

"He must increase, but i must decrease."

-john 3:30

spring has arrived and our winter depression has left

i was going to write something else, something meaningful.

but, then my roommate and i realized that TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING, and in a state like mine, there is much rejoicing for this little truth.

maybe i'll come back later (if my literary analysis on "the yellow wall-paper" finishes up and allows me to), and share a little bit of my heart. but for now, here's a little sweet tidbit of truth:

"We must continually focus and firmly place our faith in Jesus Christ— not a "prayer meeting" Jesus Christ, or a "book" Jesus Christ, but the New Testament Jesus Christ, who is God Incarnate, and who ought to strike us dead at His feet."

- Oswald Chambers

lovely places i must go:

dearest lili,

let's add this trip to our grand list of "bungalow buddy" trips that never really happen.

barcelona, spain

the southern france countryside (obviously)

florence, italy where we will look at fancy artwork and eat our weight in gelato.

yesss.

dear rudy maxa,

i love you and your smart travels. i love that you are on channel two (the best channel in the cities), and i love that you are taking amanda and i through amsterdam right now. how did you even come to know my dreams of visiting amsterdam, anne frank house and all? you are one smart guy. i love that it is spring break and i can actually spend some time with you. i'll see you next wednesday, which is my next free afternoon.

love,

megs.

purrfect.

if you know me, you know that i love flowery things, dark hair, and fluffy kittens. i would like to jump into this picture, please and thank you. ten weeks until summer vacation (yes, i have decided to ignore the fact that i will be taking twelve credits).

on grace

"here, my friend, take some of mine.

it's freely given and will cost you everything you have.

but drink, my cup runs over."

(ace troubleshooter should never have broken up. just saying.)

things [that shouldn't be] left unsaid:

"Don’t buy the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that a constant, low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity. It’s just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. It’s only when we receive his free gift of grace and live in the good of total forgiveness that we’re able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience."

-C.J. Mahaney

dear february,

you are sucking the life out of me and now have me contemplating going to bed at 8:30 on a friday night. you make everything so drab and dreary; frankly i can't stand you. please go away and don't come back. march will be here soon, no thanks to you.

yours affectionately,

megs.

six-fifty-six.

[656]

I started Early - Took my Dog -

And visited the Sea -

The Mermaids in the Basement

Came out to look at me -

And Frigates - in the Upper Floor

Extended Hempen Hands -

Presuming Me to be a Mouse -

Aground - opon the Sands-

But no Man moved Me - till the Tide

Went past my simple Shoe -

And past my Apron - and my Belt

And past my Boddice - too -

And made as he would eat me up-

As wholly as a Dew

Opon a Dandelion's Sleeve -

And then - I started - too -

And He - He followed - close behind -

I felt His silver Heel

Opon my Ancle - Then My Shoes

Would overflow with Pearl -

Until We met the Solid Town -

No One He seemed to know -

And bowing - with a Mighty look -

At me - The Sea withdrew -

-Emily Dickinson

Emily Dickinson was such an interesting woman. Frankly, she's just a little wacko, however I love her poetry. Lindsay and Lili know of my high dreams to visit her museum this summer.

PS- Dear gas prices, please do not get so high that you crush and destroy all of my dreams.

PPS-We just sang #340/"I felt a Funeral, in my Brain" to "Amazing Grace." Yes, my classes are that cool.

make war!

"the only possible attitude toward out-of-control desire is a declaration of all out war. i hear so many christians, murmuring about their imperfections and their failures and their addictions and their short-comings, and i see so little war! 'murmur, murmur, murmur... Why am I this way?' MAKE WAR! if you wonder how to make war, go to the Manual! don't just bellyache about your failures, MAKE WAR! there is something about war that sharpens the senses...there is something about war that keeps [you] vigilant...violence against whom or what? not other people. not other people. not other people...not atheists. not nominal christians. but, on every impulse in our soul to be violent to other people...setting in with sin-make war on that! enslaving desires...make war!" -john piper!

it seems like a lot of the time we do exactly this. we sit around and murmur and complain about the sins we are entangled in, about how we cannot seem to have victory over them, and then as soon as the coffee is finished and the conversation ends, we move on and never make war. we are so not called to complacency, rather we are called to fight. philippians 2:12b&13 tells us to "work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." yes, everything is by God's good grace, but we cannot expect to show-up sanctified merely by sitting on our behinds and practicing laziness, apathy, hypocrisy, selfishness, complacency, wasting time, perfecting tetris (don't ask me what i have done on and off all night, i'm guilty!), etc. we are called to work out our salvation. to be prepared to do the work Christ has in store for us. we cannot do that if we're lying around in sin and not bothering to do anything about it. we cry out for change, and then cry when it doesn't happen. mystery? not so much. this is more rambling than anything else, but i have really been challenged lately to make war against the things that distract me from Christ, and i wish it would not have taken me twenty-one years to realize how essential this practice is. making war is more than just talking about our struggles (although that does have its time and place), it is going to a solid church, actively seeking out time to spend in worship (corporate or individual), reading the Word every day, and spending time in prayer.

just my two cents worth.

love,

m.

"i can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard."

-background

--lecrae

SNOW DAYYY.

yep, that's correct. my school finally called a snow day. i am ecstatic. ecstatic! good thing because it's 11 p.m. and i still have a lot of homework to do. this means NO 7:50 tomorrow and now i can stay up late and finish everything up and sleep in!!!!!!!! yes! score! ahh! and guess what else? my boss is on vacation this week so i don't work at all which means i get ALL of tomorrow to read, relax, study, and catch up on things i don't normally have time for. oh, and i get to play in the snow!! praise Jesus for silly little things like snow days.

"i'm amazed by a Love that cannot be undone."

on melville

he is the most boring writer in the history of the world. i was going to give moby-dick a chance this summer, but after taking nearly two and a half hours (and counting!) to finish on of his monotonous and excruciatingly painful short stories he has lost his chance. too bad, so sad, melville.

i just

flew on a sheet of ice and wiped out,

slit open the jeans on my left knee,

and flung my phone who knows how many feet down the sidewalk.

lessons learned:

*i am never going to class without coffee again!

*7:40 in the morning is too early to text and walk sans coffee.

on a happier note-

at least it is 36 (heat wave!)

and i now have coffee with coconut creamer in my hands.

time to read the blithedale romance...zzzz

such important ponderings

If I were a month, I’d be April.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday. (I am done with class at 11, woot!)
If I were a time of day, I’d be 8 a.m. A new day ahead of me, with another chance.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be a sea horse. Why not?
If I were a direction, I’d be South.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a hammock.
If I were a liquid, I’d be Good Earth Tea.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a Emerald.
If I were a tree, I’d be a weeping willow.
If I were a flower, I’d be a lilac.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be refreshing spring day in April or May.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.
If I were a color, I’d be purple.
If I were an emotion, I’d be joy.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a pomegranate.
If I were an element, I’d be Na (I like salt, what can I say?).
If I were a food, I’d be spinach, straight from the garden.

If I were a place, I’d be Los Altos.
If I were a material, I’d be pretty flowery fabric.
If I were a scent, I’d be lilacs in the heat of summer.
If I were an animal, I'd be a cat, duh.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be thankful.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be grey Toms.

[bored]

life after facebook

it exists! it really does!

after a week-long study i have discovered that not only does it exist, but that friendships become more dear, too. for example: phone calls and texting and get this: ACTUALLY MEETING UP FOR COFFEE. all of these things and more happen once that distraction is taken away. not to say every single person should do away with facebook, for much good can come from it. but, much wasted time can come of it, as well. if you are a college student i would really encourage you to step away from it for a while. just think about what you are doing? is there any profit in wasting forty-five minutes every single day? probably not. it may not be right for you to all together get rid of it, however i think it is safe to say that we all could manage our time better. this is absolutely true in my life. the Lord really laid it on my heart to examine my time and how i spend it, even in the tiny areas we think do not matter. all of a sudden i was prompted to delete my facebook (yes, this is true- i decided to listen to Him the first time around!), and i am left wondering why i did not make this move so much sooner. instead of looking at pictures of my friends i can call them and even see their face! life is good and God is good and He has provided an opportunity to be where i am and and to be (heavily) involved in writing-intensive classes and i owe it to Him and my parents and my professors and myself to make the most of my time. at the end of the day i am in the Word, not stuck on some silly website.

try it out. just saying.

happy monday!

i love you all,

m.

delinquent

i have been looking at the same screen for over two hours now, and still my silly little response is not even half finished.

the best part of it all?

it should only take me twenty minutes, max.

on His glory:

"then i turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning i saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a Son of Man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around His chest. the hairs of His head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame on fire, His feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and His voice was like the roar of many waters. in His right hand He held seven stars, from His mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and His face was like the sun shining in full strength. when i saw Him, i fell at His feet as though dead. but He laid His right hand on me saying, 'fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.'"

-revelation 1:12-18

what a beautiful God there must be.

currently:

*sipping good earth tea (second time on this bag)

*editing the grammar in my short story that is due tomorrow

*listening to the format

*drinking so much water that it is ridiculous

*making a list of things in my head i would rather be doing

*coming to terms with the fact that i will be up until at least 2 am (especially if i keep this blogging thing up)

*realizing i really do love school and studying more than most other things (forget the complaints listed above)

*oh, and struggling with spelling because i have seen way too many words in the past week

*eagerly anticipating the weekend where i get to meet up with old friends, work, study nonstop, worship and attend a wonderful church (saturday night church is the best idea ever, fyi), and sip more good earth tea because i am what they call obsessed

*who are "they", anyway?

*i just discovered 'anyways' is not a word! it's 'anyway' --why did my teachers never inform me of this?!?! gladiknowthetruthnow.

i love you all.

love,

m.

go hard.

matthew 13:44-46-"the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all he had and bought it."

"if the Cross don't move me than i don't want to breathe no more."

-lecrae

go away, winter.

Spring is the Period
Express from God.
Among the other seasons
Himself abide,


But during March and April
None stir abroad
Without a cordial interview
With God.

-Emily Dickinson

rejoicing

God is good

and it is friday

enough said.

also, this is beautiful.

He makes beautiful things out of the dust, so thank you lindsay for reminding me of that truth.

encourage.

it seems like a lot of the time we look for ways to fix things. we look for grammar to be corrected, ideas to be improved, stories to further develop, a remedy for the pain in our lives, an area to improve our theology, ways we can do better in school, sin in our lives we need to give up, relationships and friendships that need to be let go of, and so many other things. not to say that examining such things is wrong, however it breaks my heart that this becomes so much of the focus. everything is not "warm and fuzzy" and christianity is not a comfortable "religion". rather, it is a life commitment to follow God to the depths of the earth with a joyful heart, if He asks us to do so. and we do this simply because He is so worthy of our lives and so much more.

although we cannot gloss over life and pretend we have nothing to work on and improve, there is a time to simply relax. love. worship. encourage. and encouragement seems to disappear in a lot of circles. why is that? is it because we do not want to risk "puffing someone up" or cause someone to feel like they are "something" when really we are nothing.

honestly, this whole aspect of christianity confuses me. i know that i am nothing without Christ. too many times i have attempted to do things on my own, only leaving me to realize that i am in desperate need of a savior. but my Savior does not leave me feeling downtrodden; He does not reveal who i truly am without offering a sense of hope and encouragement.

i would like to challenge whomever is reading this, whether it is one person or twenty, to go out of his or her way to be encouraging this week. no, i am not a pastor and no you do not have to listen to me. however, i have had a few girls (mostly ones i have just met or am just starting to know better) in the past few days who have been incredibly encouraging to me. simple encouragement may go unnoticed, maybe even by the person speaking, but they mean the world to someone who might just need it. sometimes, through other people's kind words it is like God saying to you, "daughter [or son] I love you and I so desire to see you happy and encouraged and delighted by My presence alone." i seriously believe our God can and does do things like that; He has most definitely prompted people to be kind to me, especially in the past few days. and when others are kind and loving towards me, when they encourage me immensely- even by just a smile- it reminds me that i have a God who is loving and caring and looking after me.

and that God is so much bigger than anything else. He is so much stronger than anything you are facing.

1 thessalonians 5:9-11

"for God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."

this the power of the cross:

Christ became sin for us.

took the blame,

bore the wrath,

we stand forgiven at the cross.

eleven/thirty.

day 11 -> something people seem to compliment you on the most

i have been told i have nice green eyes and that most of the time i dress nicely, and those are both wonderful things to hear. more importantly i strive to be encouraging and loving towards others and usually my friends can say i keep up with that conviction (although i struggle plenty at always showing Christ's love). i cannot really think of anything else, so i guess that settles it :D

winter red(ish) head.

so i colored my hair today (actually it was my boss kim, but you get what i mean) and i love it! i have been in that "winter-rut" thing where i hate my hair (it happens to my friend lindsay and i every january, true story), and so today i got out of that! i told my boss to pick a color she would like to see on me, as long as it was dark and covered my over-processed blonde hair. best part- it was free! i love my job.

(romeo distracted me in that last one).

goodnight lovely ladies who read my ramblings and care about me; i love you all :)

love,

m.

(T-4 days until my big 21!)

'tis the new year

currently:

*listening to bellarive. check them out here.

*filling out important school dates and such for my 2011 purse calendar (i LOVE doing this).

*making goals for the new year (soon to be written about).

*deciding how i want to color my hair tomorrow. for free, eep! (i love my job.)

*thinking about what kind of cupcakes i want to make for my little birthday party. a few girlfriends and i are going to celebrate my big 21 by going to see true grit and eating cupcakes and ice cream with coffee. that's how all 21 year olds celebrate, obviously.

*five days until i move back to the dorms and see my roomies, hallmates, friends, and zachary. so excited for my nerdy spring semester that is coming up!

*enjoying quite moments like these because before i know it i will be stressed to-the-max with 18 credits of upper-level literature and writing classes.

*and about to continue reading this:

*even though i should be reading this for my dickens/bronte class next semester:

i love you all!

okay bye!

love,

m.

ps-Jesus, please help me NOT fail writing of fiction this semester. i am scared and fiction is not what i enjoy writing and i need You in order to produce anything worthwhile.

pps-God is so good and He's in control of everything. amen.