is
b
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but if God wants to use me for whatever it is He is planning on i have to be that clay pot, i have to be willing to let him break me down. but not for pain. not in vain. not so that i hurt.
it would be for joy.
for love.
for compassion.
i cannot do any of that on my own. it is easier to be mad.
but it is far better to love unconditionally.
good friend,
one of my best friends,
i love you more than i could ever put into words.
you know that, you do.
so if you love me and i you, than what are we doing??
Lord,
work
in
us
work
in
me
work
in
him
may we love you more in the end.
may i be the sister he needs and not the lover.
grant me patience,
grace,
trust,
love,
understanding.
i feel like we broke up.
i feel like this:
"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call 'ourselves', to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good'. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way- centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you could not do. As He said, a thistle cannot produce figs. If I am a field that contains nothing but grass-seed, I cannot produce wheat. Cutting the grass may keep it short: but I shall still produce grass and no wheat. If I want to produce wheat, the change must go deeper than the surface. I must be plowed up and re-sown."
ReplyDeleteC.S. Lewis just words it so well. This is all happening for a reason.
All of your wishes and precautions are being ploughed up and re-sown for a reason.
And I'm so proud of you for recognizing this and struggling through it.
Love you!
love you.
ReplyDeleteso much.
there is a lot more i could say, but bottom line: i love you.
thanks :)