and it really is all from Your hands.

last night i was sitting in bed, unable to sleep and not sure what to do. i hopped out of bed (literally, because my bed is just a little too high to just get out of...makes life fun) and decided to do some reading. fortunately the Lord has blessed me with two incredible roommates. both love the Lord and both express it in a completely different and unique manner.

i discovered (through amanda) a really awesome resource.
an online magazine written for young adult believers (mainly for those who are single and waiting, but regardless of your status, the articles are really good and worth your time). get lost for hours in encouraging, uplifting, convicting, and intriguing articles found here.

so, as i was sifting through articles i found this little guidebook, which is basically a compilation of previously published articles. there are two booklets titled: "a girl's guide to marrying well" and "a guy's guide to marrying well". find them for FREE here, and explore the rest of the site, too.

anyways, back to my story. i was reading through the girl's guide when it hit me. i have been wrong this whole time. about a lot of things (basically everything; it's always a bummer to find that out, huh?). i may be too scared to admit i want nothing more than to marry and serve my husband. not in a "desperate and trapped" manner, but in a way that honors Christ. you see, marriage really is not about me. but i don't really like thinking that way, because i have spent so much time gushing over unrealistic romantic movies, books. i don't mind singing along to every taylor swift song hopeful that someday those lines are true for me.

and i would not say that thinking that way is necessarily wrong, but it is incomplete. marriage is not just for ourselves, rather it is meant to mirror Christ's love for His children, the redeemed. it is about loving someone selflessly and regardless of if you will get anything out of it. now, i am the farthest from an expert. heck, i have never even had a boyfriend before. but, i have learned a few things on the sidelines and though i wished at times for a different past, i am so incredibly thankful for the life the Lord has given me.

one thing i was convicted of was purity. now, don't get me wrong, outwardly/physically i could probably win a medal of something for purity (honestly, i mean it). however what does all of scripture tell us? well, for one thing, IT IS NOT ABOUT OUTWARD APPEARANCES (that was mainly emphasized for myself, since i cannot seem to fully get that through my head). Christ looks at our hearts, and it is our motives that matter to Him. purity on the outside has been incredibly easy, at least for me. purity on the inside is just a little bit more difficult. and not just sexually speaking, purity of heart applies to every issue. i think i'll start praying about that, but i am pretty sure it'll take me the rest of my life to complete the task of always having pure motives and feelings. that is when grace comes in though, right? waiting on the Lord is a good thing; i may not feel like that is true all of the time, but i most definitely believe that to be true.

anyways, please do not take anything i say too strongly, for i am the last person qualified to speak on relationships. what i do know is that i have a lot of learning left to do and cannot wait to finish reading this booklet. i pray that i continually seek God's grace to live intentionally like i am getting married. maybe that will ward off men for the next few years and i will have to wait until i am thirty, but i would say that it is worth it.

this verse is really hard to live out day after day, however living this way (intentionally) will bring about indescribable joy in your life because the focus will be Christ (not you).


philippians 4:4-9-
" Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

that's just a little piece of my heart.
take it with a grain of salt and don't believe anything
that does not line up with the Word.
i suppose i am feeling a little to transparent
these days, but to me that's far better
than pretending to be something that i am not.