do you not understand?

I think that a lot of the time I forget who God really is. Silly, is it not? He is incredible, powerful, awesome, just, pure, holy, loving, compassionate, forgiving, understanding, sovereign, in control. One would think that with all of that knowledge; with knowing His character, that I would not worry, fret, become troubled, give up, et cetera. I have come to realize that my finite mind cannot wrap my head around the constant love of the Father. I just cannot get it. I give up easily, I let others go, I can downright suck at loving others, and yet He loves me and provided a way for me even when I did not want it [Romans 5:8].

Why me, Lord? Why?
I do not love You enough.
I do not serve You enough.
I do not dwell on Your beauty enough.
Instead, I spend too much of my day [and really any time at all, even a small amount, is too much] thinking about my beauty [but I am not really all that beautiful compared to You, Lord].
This is not how it should be.
No, not at all.
You deserve so so so much more.
And for that, my for failures, for my sin, I am sorry.
Thank You.
Thank You.
Thank You.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus;

look full in His wonderful face.

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

in the light of His glory and grace."

Mark 8:14-21

"Now they had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat. And He cautioned them, saying, "Watch out; beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod. And they began discussing with one another the fact that they had not bread. And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, "Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up? They said to Him, "Twelve." "And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up? And they said to Him, "Seven." And he said to them, "Do you not yet understand?"

Sorry if these thoughts do not correlate, I just have so much going on inside of me.
Chaos, confusion, but I am okay with that, as well.