love love love these people.

new!!

new things!

black ring!

new ring and skinnies!!

merry christmas a few days late, you all.

rejoice.

soooo many good things are coming up.

let me just tell you.

*my 20th birthday, duh. birthdays always top the list.

*working at the bank the first two weeks of break (aka-drinking coffee and chatting),

*followed by samantha's wedding where i FINALLY get to where my dress,

*which after everything has been cleaned up i will then catch a plane to california,

where i will spend sunday-wendesday with my bunna,

*possibly see eric!

*get back home, pack,

shop,

*move in to the dorms!!!!!

*definitely most excited for that last one...new chapter :)

*already 'met' the girls on facebook and they seem like total sweethearts...they better be....

i have been praying for the right roommates since october.

*God is constant, I am not.

*God is good all the time; all the time, God is good.

"...rejoice and be glad,

for the LORD has done great things."

-Joel 2:21

well, i hope you all are getting more things done than i am...

confessions//lessons learned

*i love cheesy made-for-tv christmas movies. i do. justcanthelpit.
*every guy i meet at school i think: "maybe we would work...", and that is because i am terribly impatient.
*one should never attempt to see how far they can get once the gas light comes on.
*i HATE it when people mess up your/you're...i actually get really upset, not good, i know.
*shane&shane's new album is incredible. it will be played day in and day out for some time now.
*i love order, but i feel like my current mindset is chaotic/distressed/irrational. i am basically a contradiction, this i know.
*you can try as hard as you want to ingore the Lord working in your heart and push Him away, but you cannot run. you'll just needlessly complicate your life and possibly end up brokenhearted along the way. i would know.
*the Lord forgives all and loves and and is the definition of goodness; His grace does not, however, give us freedom to run around doing whatever we want [for we bear His name].
*along with hallmark/abc family movies, i love wizards of waverly place. truth.
*i love northwestern. the school has its issues and concerns, but i'm ready for a fight.
*ready for the contradiction? sometimes i can't believe the scholarship/opportunity i passed up at the master's. but i am supposed to be here, working here.
*i WILL be on 'are you smarter than a fifth grader?' because i am and i can win! i can!
*all my pants are falling off. not that that is a confession/lesson learned, but i just thought of it because i had to grab a pair of alyssa's jeans (weird. but it's okay, kim from work promised to fatten me back up over break, ha).
*california stole two of my dear dear friends and i want them back!!!
*God is constant, i am not.
*i judge before i offer grace (but i'm working on it. or moreso, God is working on it, but i'm obstinate).
*that reminds me, i love the word obstinate. makes me think of my bunna :)
*love is not a screwed up, terrible, selfish, torturous, painful endeavor. lust maybe. selfishness maybe. pride maybe. but pure, true love does not stir up those emotions. honest love doesn't make you want to smash the mirror infront of you and throw it out the window. but a self-loving attitude will do that. it will ruin you. so love as Christ did, not how the rest of us do. and may those who claim Christ really start to show it, all of the time, not just when it is easy. because loving people at their worst is much for more difficult and displays much more grace than loving when everything is perfect. my resolution. not new years', because it's too important to continue to put it off. that i know.
*i think we should all just grow up and take responsibility for our actions.
*no one is worth compromising our standards/convictions/theology. i would know that, as well.
*i love every single one of you.

love it.

dear westley james,

hey buddy,

you are only a mere month old, but i love you so much already. i could cry and cry forever when i think about how good God is and how wonderfully He has been working. you are such a blessing, little boy. you are, in some strange way, the best thing that has ever happened to your momma. she is the best ever. we have been great friends for a while, but we're getting closer and closer and i am so thankful for her friendship, love, guidance, laughter, etc. when you get older and can actually read this, know that i have loved you from day one...before you even entered this world. please be loving to your mom, she's a doll and she wants what is best for you, so listen to her!! and i'm an unofficial/practially official auntie and if you start acting up, i can promise you i will be there to kick your cute little butt back into shape. so smile and laugh and keep on dreaming during church...because it makes your mom and i laugh so very hard.

love you so much little boy,

thanks for coming.

i cannot wait to watch you grow up.

love,

megs

favorite.

"Endure Hardness"

A cold wind stirs the blackthorn

To burgeon and to blow.

Besprinkling half-green hedges

With flakes and sprays of snow.

Thro' coldness and thro' keenness,

Dear hearts, take comfort so.

Somewhere or other doubtless

These make the blackthorn blow."

Christina Rossetti

pure procrastination.

favorites as of late:

In Your City-Phil Wickham
*best line-“All our fear and pain will fade away when we see You face-to-face, our great and awesome King.”

Come Undone-Vanessa Carlton
*best line-“I would add up what you mean to me, but I cannot do the math.”

Happier-A Fine Frenzy
*best line-"You won't convince me, that I'll be better off. So, you go on and I'll be happier. You go on, yeah, you go. You'll be gone and I'll be gone."

Hey, Soul Sister-Train (I know, I know, very odd of me, but it is a good song!)
*best line-"You're the only one I'm dreaming of, you see. I can be myself now, finally. In fact, there's nothing I can't be. I want the whole world to see you'll be with me."

None but Jesus-Hillsong United
*best line-“In the chaos, in confusion, I know You’re sovereign still. In the moment of my weakness, You give me grace to do Your will.”

Friends, Lovers or Nothing-John Mayer
*best line-“Friends, lovers or nothing, there can only ever be one. Friends, lovers or nothing, there will never be an in between so give it up.”

The Beginning-Showbread, featuring Reese & Amy Roper
*best line-all of it.

Beyond Measure-Jeremy Camp
*best line-“I come alive when I’ve broken down and given You control.”

I don’t regret-Barlowgirl
*best line-“why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us?” Good question Barlowgirl, good question.

Leaf-mewithoutYou
*best line-“Oh, to want one thing! It's the purity of heart! You'll remind me that I said you were a quiet bed in all my noise to rest. Well I was charming you at best."

Desert Song-Hillsong
*best line-“there is a faith proved of more worth than gold, so refine me Lord, through the flame. And I will bring praise, I will praise; no weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice, I will declare- God is my victory and He is here.”

On Your Porch-The Format
*best line- “What’s left to lose? I’ve done enough. And if I fail, well than I fail, but at least I gave it a shot.”

Not So Tough Found Out-Copeland
*best line-“Not so tough found out, found out. Feel so warm sun fire, sun fire. Not so strong, lost out, lost out.”

Pink Champagne-Lovedrug
*best line-“And if you're wanting the truth, honey. I'm falling harder and harder for you. For you."

Cielo-Phil Wickham
*best line-“Saints and angels stand in awe, captured by the beauty of it all. So, I fall to my knees. But, I can’t bow low enough. I can’t bow low enough at the vision of You, my God.”

The Calculation-Regina Spektor
*best line-“It counted up our feelings and divided them up even. And it called that calculation perfect love. Didn’t even know that love was bigger. Didn’t even know that love was so so hey, hey, hey. Hey, this fire it's burnin'. Burnin' us up.”

There are many, many more, but alas, I must get back to important things such as reading and studying for finals, et cetera.

happier

"you'd like to convince me that i'll be better off,

so you go on and i'll be happier, i'll be happier.

i'll be happier.

you go on, yeah, you go on,

you'll be gone and i'll be happier."

i like this:

i like it a lot. i always got annoyed by her song "almost lover", but then i realized that is really her worst song, and every other song is wonderful.

my current lifeblood=

the wonderful skinny cinnamon dolce latte. because if you know me at all you know i love cinnamon and adore, yes adore, coffee. this is my new drink. i used to drink if all of the time when i worked at starbucks but forgot about it! eek! mainly because once the discount went away i got cheap and just bought boring old black coffee...but it's christmastime so it's okay, i can go to starbucks like three of four days a week, right? well i must, it's my lifeblood/reason to keep working at my papers/study guides/school work for the next two and a half weeks. this is love!

oh and look at the little cutie i got to hang out with last night!! i love little westley james! such a cute sweet boy. and i love his momma sooo very much. i am so proud of that girl. he was making faces and just simply being adorable the whole time, but everytime i got out the camera he put on his sleepy face, what a stinker!!!

hope you are all well!

love,

megs

brunette.

loves:

1. my school and the people in it.

2. this bridesmaid dress i get to wear in samantha's wedding in january.

3. the fact that i get to sleep in tomorrow and thursday AND friday!

4. running. running. running. but NOT when i forget to stretch before and/or afterwards. like i did yesterday. and now walking hurts. DON'T love that.
5. this CUTE red shirt. eek!

6. mark driscoll (subscribe to his podcast. do it!)
7. phil wickham and every single song he's ever recorded.

8. this book i'm currently reading.
9. romans 9.
10. little westley james! i had a better picture of him, but now i cannot find it. but i lovee that little guy and his beautiful little mom :)

okay goodbye, time for gym class and then a NAP. and then i'm going to read the night away.

no school until next monday!

have a blessed thanksgiving, all three or four of you who read this.

-megs

hmmmmmmmmmmm. not sure why there is so much space here, but it will have to just stay. i must get to class.

i am not artsy,
i am not that skilled.
i cannot capture breathtaking moments on film.
i cannot write creatively,
but at least i usually write properly.

i am not some painfully brilliant person whose best stuff comes out whilst i am in misery,
i actually enjoy being happy.
i have no formal training in writing, but i did get an A in my comp classes, ha.
i have my thoughts and ideas and perceptions that plague me,
and the [God-given] passions that drive me.

i have wild dreams of being okay,
of being enough.
and for now and forever He will be morethanenough.

my words will not change you,
they may not even make you think.
you may pass them by and never think about them again.
but that is okay.
that really is fine.
because it is not about me and it is not about you.

Galatians 2:20

"I have been crucified with Christ;

and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;

and the life which I now live in the flesh

I live by faith in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

fourteen.

that is how old i feel right now because i really like switchfoot's new music.

confession.

i have a minor crush on mandy moore.

i know.

weird.

but i mainly just LOVE her hair. blonde. brown. brown and red. red. ugh, it ALWAYS looks great. mine must be dark! soon!

like this:

but not as long or as elegant or as beautiful as that.

busy bee.

i cannot even begin to write anything down here because i have so much to do.

this work is ridiculous.

more so, my procrastination is ridiculous.

ugh!

in other news, i have a speech coming up on tuesday and if you see this, pray for me. i have all the potetnial and skills and facts and interviews and pictures to make it an A, but absolutely no motivation.

question:

i want to meet that little guy...when is he coming??!?

unconditional.

starting to think more and more about him,
what could happen,
what will happen,
what should be.

realizing all along that the one constant Love,
that cannot leave,
that is here right now,
that always remains.

well, that affection had been pushed away.

he that took up all of my time was taken away.
not so that the tears would come,
but so that the first Love would grow.
because He comes first.

no one else does.

"a thousand times (butreallymore) i have failed.

still, Your mercy remains.

and should i stumble again,

still i am caught inYour grace."

awesome.

in the end of john 19 when Christ cries out "It is finished" he is saying, "i have accomplished everything that i have been sent to do. i have paid the price for everysingle soul's salvation. i paid it all."

what is really awesome and left my mind reeling all night is what the actual greek word is.
in the greek, the phrase "it is finished" is one word which is tetelestai. this word was stamped on ancient tax receipts back in Christ's time when someone had paid all of their debt in full. so Christ was really saying "i have paid their debt in full."

because i am a grammar nerd, this really excites me. the word tetelestai is in the perfect tense, which means that it was a past action that continues to have effect in the future. it was completed and is still complete; there is a sense of finality.

that one word kept me up late thinking, and was the first thing i thought about this morning.

be blessed.

dearest ones.

to whomever reads this lovely thing,
please pray for me.
and my eyes.
yes, my eyes.
i am serious.
i have this: GPC...aka...GIANT PAPILLARY CONJUNCTIVITIS.
okay so i simply gave you all those big words because then it sounds like a serious condition! however, it kind of is. so basically i have to wear my glasses for the next two-three months, maybe even longer. i get to put eye drops in my eye every morning and night, and this little tiny bottle costs ninety dollars. yuck. so it is really just a long process and i just want to tear my eyes out because they hurt all of the time. but, i will live. this really is just another opportunity to be patient....and also i'm vain and like myself better without glasses...pathetic, huh? well anyways, pray for my eyes please. thank you.


also, in other news, i am reaching real adulthood...twenty years of age!! and i am NOW going through some odd form of teenage rebellion which will include a nose piercing and a tattoo. i told my mother and she said "you might as well stab a dagger through my heart" then i told my father and he said "that is such an awesome idea. i like your reasoning. i don't like tattoos, especially on my little girl, but if you were to get one, i would be okay with that. just don't tell your mother i said that". hahahaha. gotta love those two.

more to come!
love!

God is greater and bigger and better than anything ever.
He died a terrible, awesome, gruesome death for you and for me. He did that. He certaintly cares about you.

-Megs

as of late:

it seems to be same old, same old.

i need You.

everyday.

Christ, be the center of my life; the place i fix my eyes.

Because when my focus shifts, this becomes my song:

Psalm 78:35-37

"They remembered that their God was their rock,

And the Most High God their Redeemer.

But they deceived Him with their mouth

And lied to Him with their tongue.

For their heart was not steadfast toward Him,

Nor were they faithful in His covenant."

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart.

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

it makes so much more sense now.

the chaos.
the confusion.
the pain and hurt.

the literally feeling sick.

all this is for your good.

the time when all you can do is wait.

trust.

this is sanctification.

lessen your loves so that you love Me more.

I have covered all of you.

john 13:1-11

salt?

"If God is holy and your culture basically isn't, then stop whining when you're not acceptable to your culture, and quit trying to be acceptable to your culture. One of the reasons that the power of the church has been vacuumed out is that the church thinks it has to be like the world to be relevant to the world. The only way you're gonna be relevant in the world is not to be like the world. To be a distinct alternative in the face of your culture; do you see that?" -Paul Washer

relevant: bearing upon or with the mattter connected in hand; pertinent; a relevant remark.

is there anything more pertienent than that, the cross?

pertinent: pertaining or relating directly and significantly to the matter at hand.

***or: appropriate, fitting, fit, suitable, applicable.

is anything more appropriate or applicable than grace? i think not.

let's live like our lives are changed for the good.

Promise.

you can fail Me,

you can walk away from Me,

you can think your ways are better than Mine.

I will never fail you.

I will never, no never, walk away from you.

I have had this plan since the beginning of time, trust Me, I am fervently working things out for your good.

If I take a love away from you,

it is because you do not love me enough.

-Jesus, my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Luke 10:27

"...You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."

i am clay

i feel a little bit like my heart

is

b
r
o
k
e
n

but if God wants to use me for whatever it is He is planning on i have to be that clay pot, i have to be willing to let him break me down. but not for pain. not in vain. not so that i hurt.

it would be for joy.


for love.


for compassion.


i cannot do any of that on my own. it is easier to be mad.
but it is far better to love unconditionally.

good friend,
one of my best friends,
i love you more than i could ever put into words.
you know that, you do.
so if you love me and i you, than what are we doing??

Lord,

work
in
us

work
in
me

work
in
him

may we love you more in the end.
may i be the sister he needs and not the lover.

grant me patience,
grace,
trust,
love,
understanding.

i feel like we broke up.
i feel like this:

for leah!

*******an updated crouching on my floor glamour shot, ha!

sophie made me LATE for chapel...among other things!

that's sophie and me just hanging out! and then i was late for chapel, oops!

**also-remember this little picture??

rest assured-

your flaws are fine.

Patience.

PSALM 37:7-8

"Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,

Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

Cease from anger and forsake wrath;

Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing."

God calls some people to adventure. Some to hard times. Some to "great accomplishments." Some to a life of missions in the middle of Africa, and some to be missonaries in their neighborhood. No calling is better than the other and no one, not one, is better than the other. We are all here by God's grace. God has most assuredly called us to a life that honors Him-if one claims to know Him and love Him. Recently I have found that God has called me to a life of patience. Does that mean I have to be patient every moment for the rest of my life?? Ugh, my flesh hopes that is not so. However, I am starting to think that I am always to be patient. How does that work? Be patient for what God is doing, for what He is working on. That whole "In His Time" thing. It involves faith, yes, but also patience. I have faith that God is and forever will take care of me and complete what He is working on (Philippians 1:6). But for now He wants me to be patient and know that He's working things out for the best. I want something, but instead of worrying or not being content I must now focus on areas that I need to grow. For the future and for whomever is in my future. And how do I keep this from being a selfish endeavor? Let's see how this journey goes. It is merely the beginning.

i love summer.

it doesn't take much to make me happy.

just smile at me.
touch me so gently.

and i'll come undone.

that's about it.

so i was just thinking about nine-hundred million things and my mind is reeling...

why do girls do that?!?!?
why do i do that???
i think tooooo much.
ugh.
trust more, think less. that has to be constantly drilled into my head.
okayokay,
i haven't updated this in a LONG time.
sorry girls!

summer has flown by so incredibly fast. i cannot even believe that soon it will be august. whoa, where did the time go?? i do not know.
i have learned a few things, however.
such as:
-any type of relationship takes time, effort, trust, patience, understanding and so on. even the most exciting of circumstances still seems to have issues at some point.

okay, i guess that is all i have learned.
ha.

oh,
and i get attached easily, so i have found out.
i am beautiful.
we need to be ourselves; no more, no less.
strive to be better (uh oh...that is a hard one)
don't sweat the small stuff (that's preaching to the choir for me.....................I SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. I CRY OVER IT, ALWAYS. thankfully i have my sister and other people that love me and tell me to shut up.

i will someday:
-be the world to somebody.
yes....i will!
-be appreciated.
-be good enough.


love is a choice a lot of the times.

disclaimer:
**do not think that i am not happy whilest i am writing this...i am incredibly happy. too happy. it is scary and makes you think a lot**

those are just some of my many thoughts i HAVE to get out of my head....or as a.simp would say: "outta my head".

love!love!love!

for my lovely creeper stalker:

lili, that's you!! hehe!

interesting

nice boys are fun!

i like it when:

-it is SO hot out that you just cannot think of doing anything, and then you go for a run and sweat it all out.
-running to my alma mater (aka-my elementary school) and taking my time walking around the building and being a creeper and looking in old classrooms!
-lyssie being home!!
-NOT STUDYING!
-apples and pears
-diet mountain dew...i know...it is gross and bad for me and i should not like it, but i do!
-talapia (seafood and summer...YAY!)
-nice boys!!!
-yep!
-laters! :)

GRRR.

i just posted the LONGEST blog EVER full of wonderful pictures and insights and my computer told me it couldn't process my request! and now my laptop is dying and caribou is about to kick me out! soooo, coming soon! i promise! love you all!

my summer list:

i will do all of the following:
*go hiking in atleast four different parks.
*run a 5k, maybe in the end of the summer at the fair.
*dance in the rain in my best dress fearless (you know who that is???)
*read a lot. read my bible every single day for more than twenty minutes, and read novels and exciting mysteries and such.
*tan tan tan. outside...fun and fresh and free!
*grow my hair out (or try not to cut it!!)
*be different and do things i wouldn't normally do.
*meet new people, because i'm shy and that has just got to go!
*have fancy dinners!
*find a pair of skinny jeans and LOVE them.
*figure out northwestern or master's (actually, that decision will be made sometime this week).
*apartment hunt with lyssie if i decide to stay in MN (which looks like that will be the case and i'll explain later when i've officially decided. but i am actually very okay with that decision).
*get a perfect red cardigan.
*learn how to cook. really cook. no more vegetables and chicken, actual meals!
*umm, more to come!

so i've been pretty busy lately...

that's easter lunch and the table is all pretty and i'm not sure how i ended up typing over here. oh well. and that cake is from keys and it is like heave. andrea doesn't even like chocolate, and she loved the cake.

so we girls are gonna get all fancy and have a fun dinner at the house this summer. like thanksgiving manyyyy years ago!!! yeah!

and i had a photoshoot with myself, and i thought i was cute, but i'd feel lame posting a jillion new pics on facebook of myself. so yay for you!

so you see, my mom and i are really awesome, and we play with our cats when we're bored. and even when we're not bored, you see. soph and me are model hopefuls. sortof.

i hope we're cool like my momma and her friends when we're older!! oh, and hey, that's the new keys!! soo good. and super nice! and the cake is probably better than life. i'm just saying.

loveyougirls!

have a good weekend! summer is near. but, i actually think that spring is my new favorite season, fyi.

okaybye.

california next week!

these girls are fun:

we got all fancy and went to club three degrees

we had fun and triple stitch made it to the finals (because we're good luck) and we walked in the rain and i made andrea go into a very bad store because we needed and atm and i was too scared to go with her. and we wanted to wear our socks all night, but we did not. just in the car.

mirror shots are cool.

i think this is the only normal picture.
these are some nice toilet shots we have going on there!!! haha. we didn't notice that until it was too late.

then we went to arbys and we had THE HOTTEST FRIES ON THE PLANET. hot like sonshine, actually. (hot as hell, too. but i didn't want to actually type that. but, i guess i just did). lyss, notice the perfect spiral!!!